surrender and challenge

As each day comes, it brings with it a new experience, moment, life-lesson, or hardship.  There are surprise turns and twists along the way that present challenges that I am ill-equipped for.  I am ever-watching and learning, falling and getting back up, and smiling at that glimmer of growth that is beautiful. I speak in generality because, of course, I cannot explain how a lesson is learned or what a glimmer of growth looks like.  It just happens, then I look back at those moments and realize that they were bigger that I knew.

For all intents and purposes, I try to avoid too much detail when I speak of the relation I have with the family I am working for.  They are the one of  the reasons that I have new moments and life-lessons to even begin to write about. I have a great and high respect for them.  They brought me here and brought me here for a reason: their children's schooling.  They didn't do it on a whim. They prayed about it and got confirmation that I was the person to come.  I think that it is an honorable thing because it shows that they want to give their children special and important life moments. That is an example of love and I admire it. 

It is a strange thing though, living abroad. In the Middle East there are threats of war and rumors of war all around.  Sirens and rocket fire are a reality, sounding alarms that pierce the air, sending their cry to rush to a bomb shelter.  The Israel Defense Forces are gearing up for protecting the land and it's not far from where I am.  It is real.  And, that's only part of it.  Everyday, I am living the other part.  Personally, I am ill-equipped for all of it, so this requires that I walk by faith and not by sight or sound.  It is indeed a strange thing.  Everyday, I have to pack my "fictitious" bag of hats and walk out my door for the mystery that my day will hold.  Now, this "bag of fictitious hats" isn't real. I'm using to make a point.  I change my "fictitious hat/s" all day long. It has been a juggling act and sometimes I feel like there are more hats on the floor than any that ever reached my head (this is also true when I try to juggle in real life. Chaos of balls on the ground).  Here is what I mean:

I live on the same property for the family that I work for.  I have my own little place and I love it.  I go to "work" in the home of the family, Sunday-Thursday.  The children and I school until the mid-afternoon.  During schooling, I am their para-teacher.  I say para, because the children are being schooled from home so, while I am fully teaching them, but I personally join with the family and follow the desires they have for their children. 

After schooling is over for the day, a various many things could occur. Now, as I stated before, I have my own place and once schooling is over, I can disappear and do whatever I please until the next day. It is a very good and healthy situation I have with the family. They understanding and wholly respect the need for boundaries and my space.  But, here is truth.  I rarely do that.  I come and go after school, but I am not just a worker here, I have become part of the family.  It is an unusual thing.  I have to switch from teacher to friend/sister/buddy/family member/mom-type the moment I walk out the classroom door. (Read Mom's Are So Much More for more on "mom-type").  I give up the classroom authority I've set in place and fully submit to respecting the family and their ways.  The moment I usurp the authority of the parents, I have compromised every relationship I have built.  It is a tightrope of vigilance that I am forever endeavoring to balance upon. I am alert and conscious of respectfully wearing the right hat for the right life moment.

I, myself, am watching and learning on a daily basis.  There is so much to be gleaned from another country's culture, daily waking up in a potential war area, as well as living in proximity of a large family.  I really didn't know what it would be like, but I am very grateful for that unknown.  When there is an aspect of unknown, it requires complete surrender. It is a daily challenge that comes with the territory.  But it is a good challenge, not burdensome.  The challenge of wearing so many hats has benefitted me in a way that I could not have planned for.  I believe I have been gifted a great opportunity to be "adopted" into a family, while having a working relationship, while becoming friends with all the family members, while living in a land of air sirens, while directing, managing, ordering a classroom and being like a sibling, daughter and confidant.  It is strange, humbling, and heart-pounding all at the same time!

Even as I had just finished typing, the sounds of the rocket siren rang through the air and through my heart.  Dropping everything, I ran to the bomb shelter, being joined by the family. Although there is a sense of urgency and unknown, I must move and act.  But I do not do it out of fear, I do it out of surrender and faith.  It would be a lie to say that there is a level of comfort as I walk this daily challenge of mystery.  It's just a reality.  I am living and breathing in this moment, thankful for what I have and walking in what I am experiencing. 

When is a challenge or surrender ever comfortable?

 

Physics "lesson" on force, distance, and fulcrums.

The entrance to the bomb shelter.