Suck It Up And Let's Stop It

Life is filled with moments. I know, I know, I've said it before. But, it's true. Daily, we are living those life moments as the clock ticks on. Maybe you've read a blog, something online, skimmed a book, watched a series on television, or listened to a lecture on life moments that help to form who we are.  In fact, I can almost guarantee that you've heard/read/seen/listened to this type of "the moments of your life" stuff before.  I'm not the first person to write about it.  Do you know why?  Because we all have MOMENTS.  Whether we have the avenue or ability to share with others or not, our moments in life account for something.  So, if you're thinking this post might be about something you've read before, you're probably right.  Except for one small factor....I'm writing it.  Maybe you could say, "that sounds like an article I read last week" or "Man, I could've written those words".  But, that's only true in that it sounds similar and familiar.  My life and my moments are my own and your life and your moments are your own.

The inspiration for writing this came from a few recent meetings I had.  As I listened in those meetings,  I was reminded that life is ugly sometimes.  No, not that people are ugly, but the experiences that we have with other people can leave us with ugly, pain, and abuse (you put in your choice words). That ugliness can linger and overshadow our moments. Now, I'd like to say something regarding that last sentence...we live in a "suck it up" society, but we don't have to do that.  When ugliness enters our life, sometimes all that's keeping us alive is the air that God is putting into our lungs and the routine of life that keeps us getting up in the morning.  "Suck it up" is rarely appropriate in true, pain-filled life moments. I believe that the "suck it up" saying and implication started sometime and somewhere long ago. And I'm not to say how or why it was originally used, but I'm almost positive that it stemmed somewhere from a lack of empathy. Perhaps it was a situation where a person didn't know what to say to another's pain or vulnerability.  So, "suck it up" was the easiest way to shut down the pain in that moment. Thus, it became a living, breathing part of acceptable speech in our society.  But is it?

Ugliness, pain, cheating, lying (again, you put in your choice words) damages something in our heart and in our person.  They're not just words that can be erased by an eraser (for you younger ones: an eraser is on the end of an implement called a pencil.  It is commonly pink.  If you're still unsure of what it is, ask someone born in the mid-90's or earlier).  Ugliness, pain, cheating, and lying aren't just words.  They're actions.  They're actions that enter our lives that are sometimes out of our control and almost definitely NOT desired. Come on, no one says, "I hope that my co-worker secretly starts dating my spouse". Being out of control of painful situations leaves a deeps sense of abandonment, rejection, anger, sadness......

So, what and why am I writing all of this?  I'd like to say to the world, er, uh....okay, REALISTICALLY, myself and my six readers: Let's stop it!  No, not the pain, ugliness, and lying. Remember, we went over that part.  "Suck it up" isn't the same as "let's stop it".  We are surrounded by hurting, sad, and maybe grieving fellow humans.  And it's okay for them to be sad in their moments of ugliness. Now, I don't mean a pity-party or living in a constant state of entitlement (I'll save entitlement for a future post).  But, real pain and another's personal ugly situation is real to each individual person.  No two situations are the same.  That doesn't mean we have to know the right thing to say to a fellow human experiencing big, undesired pain.  It just means we have to try.  Sometimes the right thing to do is to say nothing at all and just be present.  I think we've lived behind the smoke screen of "suck it up" for far too long.  And, I have to be honest in that I have to examine my own life, too.  Don't we hide our secret pain?  Sometimes when others are experiencing a deep pain, result of abuse, lying, cheating, etc., it can touch on that thing that we tried to suck up so long ago.  Maybe those words are used because someone said it during our own ugly situation....So, no matter where you are in experiencing painful actions that resulted in ugliness in your life, it's ok to be the helper or the helpee. Those of us that see someone hurting, try to put yourself in their shoes.  And those of you who are hurting, tell someone; reach out. (I think) We've all been doing too much of holding and focusing on our technology versus holding onto those hurting and focusing on their needs.

"Two are better off than one, in that their cooperative efforts yield this advantage: If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But how tragic it is for the one who is (all) alone when he falls. There is no one to help him get up." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

One day the sun will shine again in that person's heart and that pain will look different, not necessarily gone, but different. But before that day comes, no matter how long it takes, they must travel down the road of ugliness and pain. Maybe you'll be there to witness the whole process, but maybe not.  But we cannot ignore the road and the process of getting to that next stage.  We just have to be there in the moment that we have with that person and not dislike the pain and ugliness and try to hurry them up to the "sun will shine again" moment.  Let's stop that.  Let's be vulnerable and open.  That might be scary to many.  It might mean stepping out from behind the smoke screen we've put over our hearts and the technology that we can so easily hide behind.  We have to step off of our island and out of our box, figuratively speaking.  And, when you do so, you just might surprise yourself.  Your own road to healing, helping, and forgiveness might come when you travel down someone else's road with them.